Screwtape writes his nephew,
“In civilized life domestic hatred usually expresses itself by saying things
which would appear quite harmless on paper (the words are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such a moment,
that they are not far short of a blow in the face.” [Page 13, The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.]
In the third letter
Screwtape encourages Wormwood to incite domestic strife between Wormwood’s “patient”
and his mother. One of the traps of the evil one is to seduce us with the
delusion that we can be justifiably insensitive and unforgiving at home while
being loving and caring in public and when at church. It is as if we build a
wall between our home life and public life – like children we role play; unlike
child’s play our games have long-term consequences.
The Kingdom of God begins at
home. Reconciliation begins at home. Humility begins at home. Credibility
begins at home. The shaping of our souls, of our hearts and minds into the
image of Jesus Christ, finds no better place to begin than at home, among those
with whom we live when we are out of the public’s eye, out of sight of the
congregation. If there is a prayer closet in which we commune with the Father,
there is also the secret place of our home and family in which the Father sees
us as we really are; He sees how we treat our spouses, our children, our
parents, our siblings, He sees our hearts and minds, our attitudes and motives.
We are deceived if we think that we can separate our public and private lives
in the eyes of God, we fool ourselves if we think that obedience to Jesus Christ
is reserved for when those outside our families see us and that we live under
another standard, our own standard, when the doors to our homes are shut.
Pastors are infamous for
serving everyone but their own families; but how many of their congregants do
the same thing? We forgive others but not our own, we encourage others but not
our own, we are longsuffering with others but not our own, we invest time in
others but not our own, we listen to others but not our own, we overlook the
faults of others but not our own.
Peter writes that husbands
and wives are “heirs together of the grace of life”. There is a dynamic of
communal inheritance of the grace of God in families, especially in marriages.
The communion of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit should be reflected in the
communion of the family, most especially in marriage. God is not one way in
heaven and another way on earth – neither should we be one way at home and
another way in public.
